Level 2

Another Parody, this one based on "What do you do with a B.A. in English?" and "It Sucks to be you" from Avenue Q.


Wizard: What do you do with a Specialty in Divination?
What is my life going to be?
Four years of college
And four ranks in knowledge
(arcana) have brought this to me!
Can’t fight devils yet,
‘Cause I have no spells yet,
The world is a big scary place,
But somehow I can’t shake
The feeling I might make,
A difference to the human race.

Fighter: C’mon! Hit it with a spell!

Wizard: I’m all out of spells!

Fighter: You’ve used what, 6?

Wizard: I’m an arcane caster,
I’ve learned how to cast
Some cool first level spells, like shocking grasp.
But at 4 hp I’m lucky if I can last
Two rounds
Without casting Mage Armor
It sucks to be me
It sucks to be me
It sucks to be level one, and running from a Giant Bee.
It sucks to be me.

Wizard: I’m out of here. Have Fun.
(Wizard runs away. Fighter continues holding off the Giant Bee.)

Fighter: Aaaarggghhh!
I chose a fighter,
I thought it’d be neat,
Just hack things up all day and get bonus feats!
But my whole party’s run away and let me take the heat
Of battle.
Cause I have 10 hit points.
But they’re mostly gone now.
It sucks to be me
It sucks to be me.
It sucks to be standing here when everyone else turns to flee.
It sucks to be me.

Fighter: Any chance I could get some healing over here?

Cleric: Awww. But I only have one level one spell slot left and I was gonna cast Divine Favor!

Fighter: Unless that’ll let you fight this thing off by yourself, I’d change that plan!

Cleric (while healing the fighter): *sigh* When I heard Cleric,
I thought I’d aspire
To smite the infidels with holy fire
But now all that anybody seems to require
Is healing
It sucks to be me
It sucks to be me
It sucks to have wasted all my spells restoring your hp,
It sucks to be me.

Bard: Hey guys, guess what? I can give +1 to your attack and damage rolls!

(Others glare at bard)

Bard: What?
(Singing) Inspire courage,
That’s all I can do.
Don’t you feel braver now? I know that I do!
Look at all the bonuses I’ve added to you.
It’s true!

Others: It sucks to be you!

Cleric: I feel better now!

Others: It sucks to be you.

Wizard: It sucks to know only zero level spells and cast just two.

All: It sucks to be you.

Sucks to be you!
Sucks to be me!
Sucks to be us, but not when we all level to level 2,
We’re trying to reach level 2,
You’re friends are too,
If we make it through,
We’ll all be at level 2.
We’ll all be at level 2.
We’ll all be at level 2!