Monday, September 12, 2005


This is my audition monologue for The Magical Lamp of Aladdin. It is from the novel Going Postal by Terry Pratchett. I have recut it rather liberally.

Ah, Mr. Lipwig. You are aweake, I see. And still alive, for the moment. Shall I tell you about angels? I know two interesting facts about them.
Oh, yes, you were hanged. A very precise science, hanging, and Mr. Trooper here is a master. The slippage and thickness of the rope, whether the knot is placed here rather than there, the relationship between weight and distance - oh, I'm sure the man could write a book. You were hanged to within half an inch of your life, I understand. Only an expert standing right next to you would have spotted that, and in this case, that expert was our Mr. Trooper. No, Alfred Spangler is dead, Mr. Lipwig. Three hundred people would swear they saw him die. And so, appropriatly, it is of angels which I wish to speak with you.
The first interesting thing about Angels, Mr. Lipwig, is that sometimes, very rarely, when a man has made such a foul and tangled mess of his life that death seems like the only sensible option, an angel appears to him, or should I say, unto him, and offers him the chance to do it all over again, only this time, to do it right. I should like you to think of me as... an angel.
I am offering you a job, Mr. Lipwig. Alfred Spangler may be dead, but Mr. Lipwig has a future. It may, of course be a very short one, if he is stupid. I am offering you a job, Mr. Lipwig. Work, for wages. I realize the concept may be unfamiliar to you.
Oh, and one more thing. Should you decide to take advantage of my generosity, I should like you to remember the second interesting thing about Angels. The second interesting thing about Angels, Mr. Lipwig, is that you only ever get just the one.


wings said...

I have got to start reading Terry Prachett.

Erin said...

Veni, vici Vetinari.