Monday, February 19, 2007

Level 2

Another Parody, this one based on "What do you do with a B.A. in English?" and "It Sucks to be you" from Avenue Q.

Wizard: What do you do with a Specialty in Divination?
What is my life going to be?
Four years of college
And four ranks in knowledge
(arcana) have brought this to me!
Can’t fight devils yet,
‘Cause I have no spells yet,
The world is a big scary place,
But somehow I can’t shake
The feeling I might make,
A difference to the human race.

Fighter: C’mon! Hit it with a spell!

Wizard: I’m all out of spells!

Fighter: You’ve used what, 6?

Wizard: I’m an arcane caster,
I’ve learned how to cast
Some cool first level spells, like shocking grasp.
But at 4 hp I’m lucky if I can last
Two rounds
Without casting Mage Armor
It sucks to be me
It sucks to be me
It sucks to be level one, and running from a Giant Bee.
It sucks to be me.

Wizard: I’m out of here. Have Fun.
(Wizard runs away. Fighter continues holding off the Giant Bee.)

Fighter: Aaaarggghhh!
I chose a fighter,
I thought it’d be neat,
Just hack things up all day and get bonus feats!
But my whole party’s run away and let me take the heat
Of battle.
Cause I have 10 hit points.
But they’re mostly gone now.
It sucks to be me
It sucks to be me.
It sucks to be standing here when everyone else turns to flee.
It sucks to be me.

Fighter: Any chance I could get some healing over here?

Cleric: Awww. But I only have one level one spell slot left and I was gonna cast Divine Favor!

Fighter: Unless that’ll let you fight this thing off by yourself, I’d change that plan!

Cleric (while healing the fighter): *sigh* When I heard Cleric,
I thought I’d aspire
To smite the infidels with holy fire
But now all that anybody seems to require
Is healing
It sucks to be me
It sucks to be me
It sucks to have wasted all my spells restoring your hp,
It sucks to be me.

Bard: Hey guys, guess what? I can give +1 to your attack and damage rolls!

(Others glare at bard)

Bard: What?
(Singing) Inspire courage,
That’s all I can do.
Don’t you feel braver now? I know that I do!
Look at all the bonuses I’ve added to you.
It’s true!

Others: It sucks to be you!

Cleric: I feel better now!

Others: It sucks to be you.

Wizard: It sucks to know only zero level spells and cast just two.

All: It sucks to be you.

Sucks to be you!
Sucks to be me!
Sucks to be us, but not when we all level to level 2,
We’re trying to reach level 2,
You’re friends are too,
If we make it through,
We’ll all be at level 2.
We’ll all be at level 2.
We’ll all be at level 2!

Tuesday, February 13, 2007

I need to post this for Image hosting

This is Glooble Glistencrist. I didn't make it, an avatarist on the Giant in the Playground boards named potatocubed did.

Sunday, February 04, 2007

Golden Flame of Pelor

Another new monster, for the February competition. Sorry it's not a story update and it's late. Under a lot of pressure right now.

Golden Flame of Pelor
Medium Construct (Extraplanar, Good)
Hit Dice: 15d10+20 (103 hp)
Initiative: +1
Speed: 20ft.
Armor Class: 27 (+1 Dex, +11 Full Plate, +5 Heavy steel shield)
Base Attack/Grapple: +9/+4
Attack: +5 Holy longsword +21 melee (1d8 +12 [+2d6 against evil creatures])
Full attack: +5 Holy longsword +21 melee (1d8 +12 [+2d6 against evil creatures])
Space/Reach: 5ft./5ft.
Special Attacks: Turn Undead 8/day, Greater turning 1/day, Spell-like abilities, Spells, Righteous Blaze of Glory
Special Qualities: Aura of Divine Health, Construct Traits, Damage Reduction 10/evil, Immunity to electricity, Celestial Mount
Saves: Fort - , Will +12, Ref. +7
Abilities: Str 25, Dex 14, Con - , Int 12, Wis 18, Cha 18
Skills: Concentration +8, Handle Animal +5, Heal +5, Jump +4, Intimidate +8, Listen +4, Ride +12, Spellcraft+4, Spot +4.
Feats: Empower Spell, Augment Healing, Power Attack, Cleave, Iron Will, Mounted Combat, Mounted Archery
Environment: Blessed Fields of Elysium
Organization: Solitary
Challenge Rating: 18
Treasure: +3 Full Plate, +3 Heavy steel shield
Alignment: Neutral Good
Advancement: None.
Level Adjustment:--

The armor of a fallen paladin lies on the battlefield. Suddenly, searing light seeps through the cracks in the armor, and it begins to stand up. As it raises its shield, the image of a golden sun appears on its surface. Its sword gleams with holy power.

Pelor often sends aid to the cause of good, providing spells to numerous Paladins and Clerics. But sometimes swaying the tide of battle takes a more direct intervention. When an enemy has proved so overwhelming that a paladin, a defender of all that is good and righteous, lies dead on the battlefield, the gods take action. The fallen Paladin’s body is whisked off to Elysium, and in its place appears a Golden Flame of Pelor, who rises to turn the tide of battle to the side of good.
If the Paladin’s mount survives its master’s fall, the Golden Flame will ride it about the battlefield. If the mount also falls, the Golden Flame will summon a Celestial mount instead.
As soon as the battle is won, the Golden Flame of Pelor vanishes, leaving the body of the Paladin back in its place.

Holy Weapon: Any weapon wielded by a Golden Flame of Pelor becomes a +5 holy weapon.

Turn Undead: A Golden Flame of Pelor can turn undead as a 15th level Cleric.

Greater Turning: Once per day, a Golden Flame of Pelor can perform a normal turning attempt, except that all undead effected are destroyed.

Spell-like Abilities: Detect Evil at will, Holy Smite 2/day (DC 18), Righteous Wrath of the Faithful 2/day, Holy Aura 1/day (DC 22) (Caster Level 15th) The save DC’s are Wisdom based.

Spells: A Golden Flame of Pelor can cast spells as a 15th level Cleric, except that it can only cast healing spells. Any cure spell with a range of touch cast by the Golden flame is automatically modified as by the Reach Spell feat, but with no spell level adjustment.

Aura of Divine Health: All good creatures within a 20ft. radius of the Golden Flame of Pelor gain fast healing 2. Those who claim Pelor as their Patron Diety gain fast healing 4 instead. The Golden Flame itself is not affected by this Aura.

Righteous Blaze of Glory: If a Golden Flame of Pelor is killed, it immediately explodes, dealing 15d6 holy damage (Reflex DC half) to all evil creatures in a 20ft. radius. Good creatures in the area instead heal 15d6 damage. Neutral creatures are unaffected. If the Golden Flame leaves the battle in this manner, the Paladin’s body remains in Elysium.

Celestial Mount: A Paladins mount interacts with the Golden Flame as if it were its accustomed rider. In addition, when the Golden Flame is riding the mount, it temporarily gains the Celestial template.
If the mount is killed with the Paladin, the Golden Flame can summon a Celestial Warhorse to use as a mount. This horse appears to be made of pure light, but otherwise is treated as a normal celestial warhorse. It arrives 1d4 rounds after the Golden Flame.

A Golden Flame of Pelor has one goal: win the battle for the side of good. It rides around the battlefield, shooting healing rays at fallen soldiers. If many fallen allies are in one place (especially if undead are around) it will use mass cure spells, possibly empowered or maximized. If there are undead present, it shoots healing rays at them too, or attempts to turn or destroy large groups of them. If the Golden Flame finds itself amongst a large group of enemies, it will use its Holy Smite ability. If it finds itself in a large group of still-fighting allies, it will use Righteous Wrath of the Faithful or Holy Aura.
If one particular foe is dealing massive damage on the battlefield, the Golden Flame will eventually stop this process and engage it. It will keep fighting until one of them is killed. Otherwise the Holy sword is mostly used for attacks of opportunity.