----------------------------------------------------------------------------"Good Evening everyone, Ladies, Gentleman, and androgenous creatures of all ages, and welcome to the Science Fiction/Fantasy tournament of champions. I'm your host, Zaphod Beeblebrox, and this is Marvin,"
"Brain the size of a Planet and they have me commentating some stupid sports match. Can you believe it? And I still have this terrible pain down all the diodes in my left side. OH, life. Don't talk to me about life,"
"Ok, Marv, can we stick to talking about the match please? Ok, it looks like the competitors are stepping onto the field, which for those of you listening on some sort of audio-only device, is a graveyard in the beautiful down of Sunnydale, scenically located just above a hellsmouth. In the Northwest corner, weighing in at 190 lbs, standing 5 foot 10, he's been called the Greatest Wizard of his time, let's all give a warm welcome to Albus Dumbledore!"
"Of course, normally he'd show some mercy, but just to make things more interesting, he think Voldemort is possessing the boy,"
"Oh, right, in the Southeast corner, another truly pathetic lifeform. Brainpower nearly equal to mine and they tricked him into fighting in a stupid little tournament. Really makes you sick. Anyway, weighing in at a mere 50 lbs, and standing about 3 ft, let's all not hear it for Julian Delphiki,"
"Ok, and it looks like Bean is making the first move. Using his battleschool training, the kid creeps up to the large tomb in the middle of the field and hides behind it,"
"Dumbledore seems to be casting some sort of protective spell on himself. A forcefield of some sort has appeared around him. How pathetic,"
"Look, Marv, if you're not gonna make this interesting, I'm just gonna do it myself,"
"Wonderful idea. I don't know why I put up with this in the first place. The toaster was more intellectually stimulating than you. Goodbye,"
"Okay, it looks like Dumbledore is readying some sort of spell, and yes he is, well look at that. A huge ball of fire has exploded just above the tomb. But Bean expertly avoids it, rolling out of the way. He's ok.
'And Bean is running towards Dumbledore, attacking him with his hands. And, it looks like he just hit himself in the leg. That's gotta hurt.
'Now Dumbledore appears tro be apparating to the other side of the field. Bean runs back to the tomb and hides again. And Dumbledore, not wanting to be hit again, has cast a shield spell out of his wand. Now he's launching bolts of magic through the tomb at Bean. 5 of them, and they hit right on target. Bean sneaks around behind the gravestones, using his small size to his advantage, then jumps Dumbledore, attacking him again. The shield deflects two of the blows, but two of them hit and it looks like the old man's taking quite a beating. But Bean retreats and goes to treat his wounds from the missiles, using part of his clothing to stop the bleeding.
'And it looks like Dumbledore has cast some sort of spell on Bean, who is now on the ground searching for something, and Dumbledore has apparating away again, back to the Northwest corner of the graveyard. And it looks like Bean has given up on finding whatever he's looking for, and he's running back to the tomb again. And Dumbledore fires off another fireball, which Bean again expertly avoids. Undetered, he fires five more bolts of magic. ANd oh, it looks like those stung.
'And Bean jumps Dumbledore from behind the tomb, and he knows just how to hit him to make it hurt. That old man is really taking a beating. But, the boy has taken off running. Dumbledore points his wand after him and hits him with a spell, and Bean is stopped in his tracks. He can't move. Dumbledore steps back and hits him full on with a fireball, and this time he can't evade it. He looks pretty bad, but just to be sure, Dumbledore hits the stunned
little boy with a lightning bolt and he's out. Our onsight medics are rushing out to give him some first aid. And Albus Dumbledore wins the first match of the Science Fiction/Fantasy Tournament of Champions! Tune in next week to see Worf take on Master Yoda - this is one fight you won't wanna miss!"